I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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