Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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