The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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