why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
