This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
