Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
