get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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