she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Drunk is not a location!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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