I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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