Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
