Your mouth is God's brothel.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Alive.
So much puke
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
