she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize