summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
