he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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