I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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