i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
