WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
