and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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