why didn't you poke me back
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
