i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
