Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
