Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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