Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
