pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
