So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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