Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
