Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
