i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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