I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
