Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
