Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
