I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
