You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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