You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
