Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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