Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize