i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
