i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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