You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
