Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
