No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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