AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
