It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
