I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
