i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
