she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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