You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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