Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize