:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
