just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I will pee on everything he values.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
