You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
