You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
