now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Randomize
