Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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