before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
