Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
