I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
