And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
