youre lurking in front of me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
