As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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