Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
