Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
