Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize