belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
