I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
