if i can run in heels then i can drive
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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