I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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