I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wear drunk well.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
