Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
