can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
