Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
