For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
