I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
